Going through a divorce is something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. There is so much involved in the entire process that no one ever talks about. Even the most civil of divorces invoke a kind of emotional and spiritual warfare within the person. You are forced to admit you were wrong, something no one ever wants to do. You have to admit you were wrong about the so-called “love of your life,” and by doing so, you are also admitting to not knowing yourself the way you originally thought.
You have to first learn about who you are from the inside out. That is if you are going to get it right the second time around. You have to dive into the dark parts of your personality and analyze what makes you tick. We cannot love or be loved in return if we don’t love ourselves first. To continue, you can’t love yourself if you haven’t done the work to get to know who you are.
I have four coping strategies for divorce playoff on this idea of getting to know yourself. If you follow these four strategies, you will learn more about yourself. Not only that, but you will get over your divorce once and for all as well. Not to mention, help you search for finding the right person for you. Continue reading to learn more.
Notes from My Divorce: 4 Coping Strategies That Worked
It is extremely common to want to blame yourself or the other person for what went wrong in the marriage. At the end of the day, though, a love doesn’t last because a love was not meant to last. Maybe you weren’t as compatible as you once thought. Or maybe one of you made a severe character change and continued to grow apart from one another. The latter is far less common than the former.
That said, regardless of the reason, dwelling over the question of what went wrong will have you running in place until you are in mud up to your knees. In other words, drop the expectations.
When you get married, it is common to place expectations on the marriage, if not the person as well. However, it is these expectations that lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
A divorce calls for a moment of mourning. Mourn the loss of your relationship, but there is no need to see it as a failure. All obstacles and negatives in life are opportunities to learn something and become a better person for it, and divorce is no different. You can use this opportunity to face your demons head-on. Stare them down and find out what it is you didn’t like about your marriage.
You must be thorough in your introspection, though. Take the time to trek through your past and figure out your biggest fears when it comes to love. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the tough questions. It might feel like you are dwelling on your divorce. When in all actuality, you are doing the soul work necessary to pick yourself up. Doing so will help you succeed in your next relationship.
On the outside, it might seem romantic and inviting to mesh your life with your spouse on every level. This includes your personalities and hobbies. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure, you want to have some things in common with your spouse. Don’t stop doing things you love because your spouse doesn’t share the same passion for them. Your passions are what make you unique. It’s likely they are the passions that your spouse found endearing upon first meeting you.
Post-divorce is just as good of a time as any to relearn what it is that makes you happy in this life. Use this time to be adventurous. Try new things you otherwise wouldn’t. You might just surprise yourself and find a new hobby you love with new friends that support you. Not to mention, it keeps you distracted from sitting at home and sulking in your feelings like most of us do after a divorce.
Sometimes we meet people, and we think they are a lifetime love when in reality, they were only meant to be in our life for a season. There is no sense in dwelling over what you cannot change. Rather, continue on and find something that can bring you the happiness you so crave. After all, laughter and passion are the best medicines.
Ironically enough, there is no better time to analyze your chosen career path than soon after a divorce. It will not only help you cope with the divorce, but it will help you create the life you’ve always dreamed of.
One positive aspect that many women find of divorce is that they refuse to let their happiness take a back seat any longer. Naturally, this extends thinking about your future and how you’re going to spend it. Use the awkward time of post-divorce and pre-new-relationship to find excitement in what’s to come.
That said, it can only be done if you’ve first completed the above-stated strategies. You must first relearn your passions and experiment with new hobbies to find what makes you happy before you can plan for your future. All the while, though, you’ll be so busy you’ll forget all about being sad and sulking in your emotions.
Following the strategies mentioned above will help you cope with your divorce while simultaneously creating a better-suited future for who you are. However, it is also worth mentioning that you have to one day be okay with being divorced. Doing the soul work will make this a little easier, but it is just one of those things that takes as long as it needs to.
You might find yourself dwelling over your divorce every day, until one day you don’t. That is the day everything will begin to click. You will make sense of your divorce and make peace with it. One of the main goals of coping with your divorce is to one day make peace with it. At the end of the day, it was an event that happened in your life. A short story in the novel that is your life; it does not define you.
For many people, divorce is one of those demons that is hard to acknowledge. Once you finally get the courage and strength to face the demon head-on, you quickly realize it was never truly a demon at all. It was only your perception. In reality, it was the fear tangled within you that trapped you in the bubble of mourning your divorce.
When its all said and done, coping with your divorce is a lot easier said than done. There are so many factors at play during and after a divorce. Depending on your personality, you might find different coping strategies that work best for you. That is perfectly okay and is encouraged! As long as you are doing the work to actively heal from your divorce in a healthy way, that is the best way to cope with and move on from your divorce.
Take the time to sit with yourself and love yourself for a change. You spent so long loving someone else that you most likely neglected yourself all those years. Do yourself a solid and spend time loving you!
