How did you feel when you got married? It’s likely that your wedding day was one of the best days of your life. You and your spouse were deep in love and excited to start your future together. New beginnings and great adventures were on the horizon. Then, the honeymoon phase drifted away and the reality of married life set in.
Perhaps you got married years ago and the romance and sizzle has gone out. Maybe you’re a year into your marriage and realizing that dealing with your spouse’s bad habits is turning your love into resentment. No matter where you are in your relationship, there is always a way to fall back in love with your spouse all over again.
Marriage is a serious commitment and there is no doubt you tend to follow through with your vows. Just by reading this article on how to reignite your love life, you have completed the first step- the decision to try. Our techniques for falling back in love can bring back the romance and butterflies you’re longing to feel again.
Love is not a passive activity or a spectator sport for bystanders. If you want to have a healthy, passionate love life with your spouse you must choose to love actively.
Love is a choice you need to make everyday.
Marriage takes work and both partners must be willing to put in effort to have a happy relationship built on a foundation of unconditional love. When love turns conditional, that is when spouses start to wonder if they are still in love with each other. Loving actively means choosing to put love first. Even before feeling annoyed, angry, frustrated or disappointed in your spouse, love is the denominator in every equation.
When you focus on love, you start prioritizing good communication, healthy boundaries, and quality time. All these attributes are other successful ways to get your lovin’ feeling back!
You’ve heard the saying, “you can’t expect anyone else to love you if you don’t love yourself,” and the truth of the matter is, everyone who says that is right.
When spouses are whole, healthy, and love themselves, they are more open to receiving/expressing love for their partner. Marriage is a long-term commitment in which both people can grow and change many times over the years.
Loving yourself can look different for everyone, but involves a dedication to self-care and a focus on individual growth. Loving yourself first may feel selfish, but it is necessary for your own well-being. . You will be a better spouse and parent if you can give yourself that sweet self love you deserve!
Not taking care of yourself can lead to long-term problems such as chronic health issues, anxiety, and depression. The feeling of being burned out, and lack of overall satisfaction in your daily choices can create a gray cloud over your head if you don’t manage your mental health accordingly.
Putting 100% effort into loving your spouse and restoring your marriage can be impossible if you do not love yourself. When you don’t love yourself, you cannot expect others to love you and this will cause more strain in your marriage.
Positive affirmations help to create a positive mindset. The repetitious behavior of positive affirmations makes you believe what you are saying, therefore, puts those affirmations into practice.
Some people wake up and say positive affirmations first thing in the morning when they are getting ready. Others take time to themselves during their lunch break to revisit those mantras.. Since your brain recalls content prior to dreaming, reciting those affirmations one more time before sleep can make you hit REM in no time.
Some affirmations to try include:
Positive affirmations work best when they are a daily practice. Try to get your spouse to recite these affirmations with you to grow closer and build intimacy. Reciting these affirmations together can also help you both be on the same page–with the goal of falling back in love.
Everyone screws up and you need to realize marital challenges are a two way street that are rarely one person’s fault. Whether you have a simple miscommunication or you messed up big time, you always need to take accountability.
Being accountable starts with trust, understanding, and unconditional love for each other.
Having trouble connecting with your spouse, communicating , or being accountable, can be detrimental. Your relationship needs nurturing and a marriage counselor can help with that.
You should never feel shame for seeking therapy or asking your spouse to go to therapy with you. Many spouses use therapy to stay on the same page and communicate with each other in healthy ways. Falling in love with your spouse all over again is much easier when you are working together.
To go to marriage counseling, your spouse will need to agree to attend sessions with you. You’ll need to communicate to them how important the therapy is to you and what you hope to achieve. Let your spouse know your desire to strengthen and deepen your relationship, fall back in love, and work out your issues together.
One of the best ways to love yourself is to focus on your mental health. Going to individual therapy is always a good idea and a great way to start falling back in love with your spouse. Working on your relationship can take an emotional toll and won’t be an easy thing to do. Therapy can provide a safe space for you to process and express how you are feeling in a healthy way.
Individual therapy helps learning to love yourself first, communicate in a healthy way, and practice accountability. Your personal therapist can also help you work through challenges you might uncover in couple’s therapy such as needing to be more patient, understanding, or cope with stress better.
People grow and change as years flow by, so it’s imperative to keep on you and your spouse’s love languages.
The five love languages that Dr. Chapman identified are:
Don’t be shy about having conversations regarding Love languages with your partner; it’s so healthy to communicate to them and yourself how love works for you. Often people do not like to receive affection the same way they show love. These differences are all the more reason to have these deep discussions together.
A lot of times spouses can feel like they are falling out of love due to not spending any time together. Couples who travel for work, or have busy schedules, usually feel a disconnect.
Spouses can fall out of love due to lack of quality time. Quantity does not mean quality. Sitting at home together in the evenings after work, doesn’t mean you are spending quality time together. You need time invested in things or topics that will strengthen your relationship if you expect to fall back in love.
Think about the types of dates you would go on in the beginning of your relationship. What types of things did you do for fun then, and now? It is important to get out of the house and spend time together doing things that are fun and make you laugh. Quality time together will bring you both closer and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
As important as couple quality time is- so is personal time!
If your spouse is your lover, confidant, and bestfriend, you will need other friendships. Continue to go to dinners with your friends, take trips, and enjoy activities with people other than your spouse. These relationships will help you feel like a confident, independent adult. Falling in love is easier to do when you are happy and in a good place mentally. Friendships can help you stay that way.
When you and your spouse commit to working on your relationship and falling back in love you must do so with intention. Being intentional about the work you are doing to make it happen is important if you want to be successful.
Going to marriage counseling can help you make a plan of action; but, you will need to be deliberate about spending time together..
Being intentional for some couples looks like setting specific time to have serious discussions, go on dates, or be intimate. In today’s hectic world both spouses often work jobs, have obligations at schools, or in the community. Scheduling time with your spouse helps you put them first. You should always avoid casting them aside for another item on your schedule.
Falling back in love with your spouse is easier said than done; when you have the will to make it work, you can! Remember, love is a daily choice, not just a wedding vow. Marriage is a partnership, but if you treat it like business the love can fade away into resentment and even hate.
Put unconditional love first in your relationship to keep the passion and fire burning. There is never a wrong time to fall back in love and reignite the feelings from the beginning of your relationship. The feelings that made you decide to get married in the first place can flourish again. True love takes time to build and is a continuous learning process even when it feels like love at first sight.
Keep following our steps to fall back in love with your spouse and you’re likely to make it happen! Remember that most of the time you cannot fix your problems overnight. Keep your expectations realistic and be willing to change strategy when needed. You got this, and we wish you all the love and happiness during the journey!
