A woman waiting for a call/message or wanting to text/call her boyfriend after breakup

How Efficient is the No-Contact Rule?

Overview of the No-Contact rule, what it is, when you should use it, and whether or not it can help you to get your ex back.

So you’ve gone through a rough breakup.

Do you regret it and want your ex back? Are you ready to move on instead?

No matter how you feel about it, you should employ the no-contact rule. This rule can help you get some much-needed space following a highly emotional event. Some people say it can even help you to win your ex back, but is this true? 

This doesn’t have to be a permanent rule. It can simply be a period of time you need to clear your head. Take a week, a month, or maybe even a year, depending on how much space you feel you need.

Of course not contacting your ex is going to be tough, and you might start bartering with yourself that some sort of contact is okay. This is not true. The no-contact rule means no contact

This means you stop all of the following:

  • No texts
  • No Facebook/Instagram messages
  • No going to their place
  • No calls
  • No “accidentally” bumping into them
  • Avoid places you both may visit.
  • No sending messages through mutual friends
  • No sneaky social media posts

You should use the no-contact rule for as long as you feel you need. Just be sure to set the duration in advance. Hold yourself to this and don’t let yourself cave in because you are lonely. 

Do you feel like you need even more time to heal than you originally specified? You can extend the no-contact rule as well. Only end the no contact rule when you are feeling confident and ready to possibly speak with your ex again.  

The no-contact rule sounds pretty serious, and it is. Yet, it really is for both of your benefits.

Employ the no-contact rule any time a relationship ends badly and you feel you need to heal.

The no-contact rule is especially important when ending a relationship with someone who is a narcissist, as they may work very hard to convince you to come back to the relationship. If you were the victim of narcissistic abuse, it can be very difficult for you to say no if you are still in contact.

When you aren’t thinking clearly, you may say or do something with your ex that you will regret. The no-contact rule gives you the space you need to think about what you really want with your ex-partner before you make any moves.

Additionally, the no-contact rule gives anger, and other heated emotions time to calm down. 

Don’t be afraid to seek outside help, like a personalized therapist. This will allow you to deal with your ex rationally when/if you do talk again.

The no-contact rule helps couples/exes out by forcing them to resolve personal life tensions and stresses outside of the commitment of a relationship. If some interfering aspects were fixed during separation, reconciliation is possible. 

However, it is not advised to use this as a method to get your ex back, as it doesn’t actually solve the problems in a relationship. Remember, it helps you solve the problems you may be having, but not the ones you and your significant other may have together.

Keep in mind, the no-contact rule is for you. It gives you time to think, time to grow, and time to re-evaluate what you want in life. The no-contact rule won’t work if you go into it with the mindset of trying to get your ex back.

Unfortunately, there are some times the no-contact rule won’t work. Namely in situations where you work, live with, or share kids with your ex, as all of these situations require communication between the two of you.

Even with limits, it will be difficult for you both. Try to put some space between you in any way possible, and don’t have any conversations outside of those which are necessary. 

Breakups are hard for everyone, no matter how prepared you may think you are, you will never be ready to say goodbye to someone you used to love.

Do yourself a favor, and engage in the no-contact rule. You’ll be able to breathe easier and heal faster.

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