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Why Do Men Often Come Crawling Back After a Breakup?

It’s been weeks since your breakup, and you’re starting to feel like yourself again. Bam! A text message! Why do men contact their exes even months later?

You ended your relationship with your ex months ago, but now here he is, back in your DMs! But what should you do? Is he really back because he misses you?

The truth is, exes come back for several reasons, but not usually because they want to be with you. Before you say yes to your begging ex-boyfriend, read this article to learn why men tend to come crawling back after a breakup. 

Everyone has their own motives for attempting to re-spark a fire, but is it something you should consider or lean away from? Here is our list of leading reasons why your ex is popping back up in your life unannounced.

Everyone makes mistakes in life and your ex is thinking he made one in breaking up with you. Who can blame him, you’re an awesome girl!

Before you let it go to your head, remember that this point of contact is more focused on his regret of the break than your feelings. He’s reminiscing on the good times now that he’s alone and wants the adventure back. 

Many men break up with their girlfriends/wives because they think the grass is greener on the other side. This could be a new girl he is interested in, or maybe an opportunity that doesn’t involve you. Nevertheless, you got dumped.

Time flies by and suddenly, that opportunity or new person has dissolved into thin air and he’s at a loss on what to do next. Disappointed, lonely, and feeling down, this leads him to remember the last time he was happy, which was probably when he was with you. 

Did the relationship with your ex end because of infidelity? 

If this is the case, and the new girl is out of the picture, there’s no doubt he’s wanting you back in. He was banking on his newfound flame to work out, and when it didn’t, he feels the need to spark a fire back with you. Will you bite?

Now he’s bored because he isn’t with anyone, but rather than being alone, he thinks that he should see if you’re available to entertain him and his needs. 

Let’s be honest, a major reason your ex is popping up once more is to see if you will actually take him back. He wants to know the behavior you will tolerate from him. Give an inch and he will take a mile.

Once he knows this, he can date you with the intention of dumping you again next time something better comes along. He knows you’ll be there to pick up the pieces no matter how many times he decides to leave and come back.

All guys, after a period of no sex, will come back just for sex, especially if he isn’t getting it from anyone else. 

This brings up another point, he could be messaging you just because he is drunk and doesn’t have anyone else taking up space in his bed. He could also be fighting with his current girlfriend and looking for a little side action while he isn’t getting anything from her.

Because he’s slept with you before he sees you as an easy target. He also figures that you will likely say yes.  

The relationship didn’t end well and he wants to try and fix it. This is very common when he perceives he made a mistake, such as cheating, which resulted in the end of the relationship. 

He’s back because he’s afraid you’ll think badly of him and doesn’t want to be blamed for hurting you, so he thinks that by talking to you again he will make up for his past actions. It’s more about him than it is about you.

Just because he feels guilty doesn’t mean he intends to fix the problem in the first place. He may just be there for an apology, or validation, so tread carefully. 

Are you in a new relationship? Maybe you even just posted pictures of you and your new boyfriend. This alone could have sparked your ex’s interest in coming back. 

Suddenly because you are off-limits, he wants you back, just because of the fact that you are not available to him anymore. 

The sad part about this is, the minute you are his again, he will become bored and look to go searching for something else he doesn’t have. Don’t fall for this immature child’s play.

Did you get along great with your ex’s family?

It could be that he is crawling back because his family and friends really liked you and were bummed your relationship ended. 

They may have even pressured him to try and win you back, and if he’s lonely this may not seem like such a bad idea when they bring it up.

Be especially cautious of this reason for crawling back around the holiday seasons when it is likely your ex has just spent some time with his family and would be feeling this pressure. You’re dating your ex, not his family, even if they are extremely enjoyable to be around.

Now, this is a very slim chance, but it is possible he has come back because he’s changed. 

If this is the reason he has returned it may not be obvious right away. You will have to do some thorough investigating to ensure he hasn’t come back for any of the above-mentioned reasons. 

Once you have ruled all of those out, you may entertain the possibility that he has come back because your ex is a changed man. 

The dreaded text has arrived. It’s your ex. Whether he hit your line with a modest greeting, or a text paragraph full of emotions, what should you do next?

Before you make any rash judgments, self-reflect on what you want and your intended outcome if you further communicate. 

First things first, do not take your ex back right away. Remember that you need to investigate why he is back. He could simply be having a moment of weakness that will pass. 

If you are all too excited to hear from your ex, take a deep breath before you respond to his initial message. You should also take a few minutes to think about your answer. 

Do not go running back into his arms, as it could all just be a trap. Careful about what you say and text as you also don’t want to appear desperate. The ball is in your court.

The last one is a bold move, but it is the easiest and quickest way to deduce the real reason he is back.

Besides finding the reason, you also need to take some time to investigate. A guy who is back for the wrong reasons will quickly be dissuaded from talking to you if you don’t answer or go running back to him right away. 

If he wants to meet up, tell him you are busy until next week. You should also ensure he texts you multiple days in a row and not just a single time, as this tells you he isn’t just having a moment of weakness. Make him work for it.

Meet up with your ex in a public place with lots of people around. It can even help to have a friend or family member nearby. 

Discuss with your ex why he texted you, and what he wants from you. If he seems honestly interested in getting back together, ask him why.

Then, and only if you both agree, you can work on putting your relationship back together. Whatever you do, don’t leave with your ex. Instead set up a second meeting in a public place to discuss this further. This will help you keep your emotions from interfering with your rational mind.

Also, don’t be afraid if you realize during this conversation that you are better off without your ex. That’s okay too. After all, he is an ex for a reason!

Even if you and your ex decide to get back together in the end, you need to know that it will never be the same as it was before. 

You two went through something traumatic enough to call it quits. If you don’t get the proper understanding and clarity to overcome the reason your relationship ended, it will likely end a second time. 

Okay, so you’ve been talking to your ex for about a week, and you have a meeting set up in a few days. Before that meeting, you need to discuss the situation with someone you trust.

When you are in love with someone, you don’t always think clearly. A therapist or friend can help you to see the truth behind your ex’s words that you may be unable to see. They can also help point out narcissistic behavior which could be cleverly hidden in the text conversation. 

If your therapist or friend thinks it isn’t a good idea to meet up with your ex, you should probably listen to them. They may be able to spot some dishonesty you are missing.

Overall, there are numerous reasons men come crawling back after a breakup. Not all of these reasons mean he is actually back for good. 

If you decide you are better off without him, that’s okay too! You need to do what makes you happy first.

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